AN “IT’S NEVER TOO EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS” INITIATIVE BY THE MISANTHROPICA TRUTH IN SONGWRITING LYRICS COLLECTIVE

The Twelve Days of Christmas Arguments

You thought it was all about giving gifts, didn't you?

Santa and Elf Arguing. Night Cafe.

OK kids, if you’re reading this, stop right there.

I can imagine that if you’re on Medium, you’re likely old enough to know that Father Christmas doesn’t exist. If that doesn’t apply to you, I’m sorry to inform you that in actual fact, he doesn’t exist. Sorry, once again.

Also, letting you know that Christmas isn’t about giving gifts is probably a bridge too far, so as I said, time to stop reading.

If, however, you’re a grown adult, you’ve come to understand that what Christmas is really about is fights, arguments, spats, tantrums, screaming matches, usually about all the favourites. Sex, religion, politics, drugs, alcohol, how crap the hummus from the supermarket is, what Auntie Mavis did at Christmas in 1953, that sort of stuff.

You also know that most of these altercations involve your foolish uncle. Including, but not limited to, Uncle Doug, Uncle Barry, Uncle Phil and of course, let’s not forget Uncle Pete who crashed in the caravan in the backyard after drinking way too much…